Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize