I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
