Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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