Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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