Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
