if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
