Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
