So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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