dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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