So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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