went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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