We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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