I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
