Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
