my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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