after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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