The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
