The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
zippers are such a cool invention
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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