just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize