When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize