Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
