I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize