Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
