we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
