Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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