Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
