I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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