a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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