on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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