nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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