week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
