My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
