did you get engaged???
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
