I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
