OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
