We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
