How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The ass gains better be worth it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
