If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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