HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We left an ass print on the piano.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
