Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
