I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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