Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
