So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
