so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
