i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
