It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
