you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
