I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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