My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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