I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
