Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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