shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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