is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize