I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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