I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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