You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
