Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dicks are not precious.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
