There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
